First of all, I really hope I am not actually pissing any people off by still calling this BEDA. We all know I failed it. I just want the filing of posts to look pretty. Please bare with me. There are many great people actually participating in BEDA and succeeding. Here are two blogs that I am reading often by Kristina and Hayley.
Okay, now that we're friends again, I'd really like to talk about Theme Songs. I have been thinking about the importance and power of music and how sharply one song can steer ones or freeze moments in time, and so I am going to make a list of the songs that have affected me the most during the difficult and capricious month of August.
Fun Fact: Google "Theme Songs" (yeah, I'm a professional at this) and Rhett and Link's American Idol song comes up in the First Page results. Yay, Internet People!
What is a Theme Song? It is usually a signature phrase of music or song lyrics that are entwined within a particular moment, usually on film, television or radio. However, Humans, being all equally important and often quite wonderful, have begun compiling their own lists and "soundtracks" to particular days, seasons and moments in their life for a very long time now. This activity, often referred to as, "making a playlist, man," has exploded since the dawn of tapes, CDs and mp3 players (with a little help from Genius on iTunes, unfortunately and sometimes fortunately) and is a way we like to connect with each other and with the dust that is ourselves.
My Theme Song, for a few reasons (mostly related to matters of the heart and the intensity of my err, business-life), for this month, is Bulletproof by La Roux.
Been there done that messed around,
I'm having fun don't put me down
I'll never let you
sweep me off my feet.
I was criticized for neglecting obligations this August in favour for traveling and meeting new friends. I do not regret my decision to do this because everything has worked out well anyway, obligations were kept and seeking out adventures with new friends will always be Number One on my list.
I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
To walk away from something
when it's dead.
Do do do your dirty words
Come out to play when you are heard
There's certain things
that should be left unsaid.

Tick tick tick tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out.

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
All you do
is fill me up with doubt.
This time baby I'll be bulletproof,
This time baby I'll be bulletproof.
I often hum this song quietly while walking around New York City and I always find myself repeating those lines over and over again. Sometimes, depending on what has happened, I swap out the "This time" for "Next time."
August 2010 Playlist:
1. Bulletproof by La Roux - "This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof." It's more like a wish for me than an affirmation.
2. Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz - this came on while I was at Luke's surprise party at Spin NYC (a pingpong-themed place that confused me very much) on Friday and it just suited the mood so perfectly because we had been waiting for over an hour for Luke to show up and we didn't know what was going on. We were all sitting along one long bench, all facing the same direction, and I couldn't help but imagine a pan-shot of us all looking confused and dejected.
Later, I couldn't get the song out of my mind. It seems to fit my life quite well right now. One big deep breath before I get my shit together and things really start happening. Plus the lyrics to this song are awesome, especially the verses.
I ain't happy,
I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but
Not for long
The future is coming on
3. I Get Around by Dragonette - No need to include lyrics. The track name says it all. This song is perfect for foolish Summer days that get you into trouble later.
4. Don't Blame Me by Mike Lombardo - "you're always talkin' 'bout problems. Well listen, baby, that's why you've got 'em." A reminder and a lesson to not become this person, sometimes, when I'm feeling quite vampire-like, I steer down this path. Take advice and stand up or shut up. This is another little line that I repeat to myself often.
5. Short Skirt, Long Jacket by CAKE (I love this music video, click <<) - Sometimes I want to be this girl. Minus all the money crap. There's something about being able to live each day to the fullest, even if it means until the very last tick of the clock, and then seeking out the next day immediately. I'd like to be the girl that doesn't take any bullshit and makes her own rules.
I want a girl who gets up early
I want a girl who stays up late
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tinted glass
One extra song I'm digging is Whod Have Known by Lily Allen. It's silly and cute and reminds me of some happier moments and happier mistakes that occurred over the past year. I just heard it for the first time the other day so it's been on my mind.
That's it. Ya dig?
What happened on August 30th?
I had slept over Luke's again-I crashed at his place after his Last of the Canadians Party and we spent all of Sunday together hanging out-and in the morning, after getting up early to get ready for work and help carry some heavy boxes to the UPS Store to be shipped, I said a final goodbye to his lovely 9th Street apartment and to him, my dearest friend in New York. I had cried a lot about Luke leaving on Saturday night, so I held back the tears that morning but there was an ache in my chest that followed me into a cab and throughout the morning.
I had this wonderful dream before the day began, though. Livestream was in legal trouble (That's not why it was wonderful and I don't know why it was in legal trouble in my dream but it was Luke's fault) and I was in Los Angeles with two other people that were at first females but then became Luke and another boy (err... sorry, Luke? Sorry dream girls?)
We were traveling through the highway that was really high up in the air, level 100, and we pulled up to this building where we could steal back the evidence they, whoever they was, had on us. We went into an elevator which went up really fast, and there weren't always walls surrounding the elevator. The doors would rattle and the wind would whistle through and I remember being terrified of the idea of falling out into the dark night air.
Somehow nobody noticed our presence as Luke got onto the computer and found the evidence he needed. We clickly left the building, people passed us by but didn't think anything of us.
As I was walking out the door, Rachel Bilson and Krysten Ritter were entering and I decided to speak up and fan-girl them. They seemed impatient and bored at being noticed, but they politely let me have my way with them. Before I left them alone I mocked myself and said sarcastically, "See you next time in Los Angeles!" Getting the joke: I wouldn't, they laughed and went inside.
We were disturbed to find that there was a roadblock just outside the building and ID's were being checked by police. I began to panic, but the other boy with us found a free route (the other direction was completely void of law enforcement) and we made our escape with no trouble.
The whole time in the car I was nervous, wondering about how we could not get in trouble for what we did. I was so worried that I woke up. The sun had not yet scared away the gray-blue of the morning. It was 7am. I went back to sleep.
After I left Luke's I had a meeting at work to figure out what was going to happen during the rest of time here and if this United States part of my life would continue. The offer on hand was generous with more kindness than I deserve. I am feeling more positive about my future as a direct result of that meeting or at least the end of the year.
There was so much to do at work. I was tied to my computer all day. I didn't have time to eat properly and found comfort in some kosher pickles.
I received disturbing news from Jen that day, and I did my best to apologize for any hurt I caused her and explained the situation exactly as it was. I was frustrated, wondering if the person who had brought her the news was also trying to hurt me too. I'm not trying to seem self-absorbed here, since that is something he criticizes me for, but his actions seemed quite dramatic to me. He didn't need to do what he did because nothing was as serious as it apparently was in his head, not for Jen or I. I'm sad because I understand his frustration with me and I would like to somehow apologize and remain friends with him, but I don't know how much time I should give him to be alone or if I should even bother at all...
Jen was going to an MNDR show and so I picked up the other ticket she had bought to try to make up for my mistakes and to have a good night out with her. I owed her that, probably more. I still feel pretty bad about what happened and I'm mad at myself for being so naive. I feel undeserving of her forgiveness.
While listening to MNDR play I felt very sad. One moment from Saturday night kept replaying over and over in mind and I had this unnerving feeling that somehow manifested itself into an eerie feeling that I was about to physically get a knife in my back.
Perhaps more bad times are coming, "friendlationship" wise?
Afterwards, I bought Jen dinner at Candela Candela, which I had been to before with Emily and Louise during the Summer of 2008, and I had this amazing trio lasagna filled with vegetables and a chianti, which induced a lot of Hannibal Lector noises.
Walking up Second Avenue after dinner, I had a case of word vomit, not being able to get over the sad events of Saturday night.
As we past Luke's apartment, I felt sad knowing I wouldn't visit that room again and then I realized that I left the jello I bought the night before there. I bought two six-packs of jello, I don't really know why. I guess I thought we'd watch a film and eat a lot of it, but when I got to his apartment I instantly wanted to get ready for bed. I forgot to make a call that I had promised to make and quickly wolfed down a chocolate and then strawberry cup with Luke before putting it in the fridge. I found it funny that my sadness quickly bounced from friend problems to lost Jello, I am silly. I had then played Flowers vs. Zombies for a little while before trying to watch Spaced before falling asleep. It felt nice to feel tired and to be going to bed early.
I'll miss my comforting nights with Luke.

I woke up with a heavy head and a puffy face from all the wine I drank and all the tears that came out last night. What effected what? You decide!
Saturday night was intense in an accidentally intense way. By that I mean that I did not want it to be intense. I did not plan for feelings to feel, for eyes to tear, for wine to be consumed, for mouths to kiss, for people to yell. Yet it all happened and it was probably one of my first few mornings where the subject of the day is decidedly, Regret. Mainly because the night was not Double Rainbow intense, I'm sure.
I had crashed at Luke's apartment because I probably would have walked into traffic without him there, cursing at the world or wondering where the wine had gone, and I believe I spent most of the day in his apartment and keeping my inbox at zero, being "social" and playing a lot of Plants vs. Zombies. Meanwhile Luke was packing and cleaning. Don't worry, I asked if he needed any help and he assured me that my incessant questioning of "Where do you want this to go?" would drive him mental. Though I did help unscrew about 5 screws from his bed. I'm sweet and caring, you see.
Just before the sun set we headed out so that Luke could take pictures of places he liked. Problem was that Luke felt awkward about taking pictures or being in pictures and we really only documented one street before ending up in Tompkins Square Park and giving up on the whole photo idea because "I'd just be taking pictures of places I shopped or whatever..."
After we spent a little while gazing at dogs and their silliness in the dog park, we bumped into one of the actors who had been in the Murder Mystery Theatre event that Molly had organized for us all to go to. He had played the brother of the two people who had been murdered and I was embarrassed because I had spent most of the evening whispering to Molly about he and the "guy who plays the cop" were cute. He is a comedian, too, and he put me on his mailing list. It was a very weird meeting but he seemed quite happy to hear about our time with the mystery. I neglected to mention that I thought at one point he had been the murderer.
We walked up Avenue C and back around towards Westville East, where we waited for Molly, who had been working, to join us. We had a really pleasant dinner together and talked about boys and girls and plans and the meal was just so lovely. I had grilled chicken with lemon, and brussel sprouts and other delicious vegetables. I kept Molly and Luke waiting while I ate everything on my plate, and that plate was bigger than my face, but I just couldn't deny this healthy awesomeness from making a party in my tummy. I felt so full afterwards but I was also really pleased with myself. The price was also really good.
While Luke helped take his kitchen supplies to Molly's house, I went home and had a shower, not before I sat in my bathroom, naked just listening to music. Yeah, you didn't need to know that, but I just couldn't do anything further until I had listened to a few songs. I just needed a moment of peace. As much peace as one can get when Demi Lovato or Matchbox Twenty songs are coming up on your playlist, but it still felt so good to sit and be quiet for a moment and just listen.
When I was finally ready and had packed up my gear to get to work the next day, I headed on down to Luke's place. During my walk I was stopped by a nice french boy, probably my age or a little younger asking about a "err, music, err, concert?" I wish I had known about more places. I hope that due to that incident I will now become well-versed in the venues of NYC. I know quite a few, I've been to a lot, but I was too taken aback my being asked for that information (I mean, me? The girl who won't let herself listen to music while walking outside? It must have been my combat boots) and I couldn't pinpoint locations in my mind.
You can find out the rest of the evening here at the bottom of the post. It was a very good Sunday. I just wish I could stop thinking about Plants vs. Zombies. Luke just tells me to buy it on the iPhone but it was so fun to play on the iPad.
I'm bored of this blog now, enjoy your cats. Yes, I do mean that way.

I started this blog in April this year, but I never finished. In my furious attempt to actually complete a failed BEDA, I'm completing this bitch tonight... this morning... at 3:53am. That's almost dedication, bitches.
Also, why I thought this would even interest me is beyond me. This post is so self-absorbed and pointless.
Twitter
My old Twitter profile description use to say
"The Oak Tree doesn't fall far from where the Acorn fell before it started to grow."
I heard this on a promo clip for some country-singer sitcom, which I've never watched but I thought that one line was funny so I put it in my Notes on my Dashboard. When I created my Twitter in 2007, I wanted a line and I found one.
This year I changed it to a more accurate statement:
"Part-time stalker, part-time lurker, part-time pimp. 100% sweaty 78% of the time."
Why?
Well, it's not like the former description does me any good, I'm sure most people are like... "err, that's not how the saying goes," and I didn't want to be confusing those poor people anymore (Remember: Sarcasm doesn't belong on the Internet ;)), so the latter description works best, due to the fact that I am alone quite a lot these days. I see people on weekends but lately the weekday has been quite empty of other human beings.
So, I've taken to stalking some of my favourite people, mostly people I don't actually hang out with ever, and then I've taken to lurking around the social webs of the people who I do actually hang out with, AND I still have a job to some degree, which essentially involves sending people money for no real fairly silly reasons, so I'm a pimp, too.
As for the sweaty. Well, for the last three years quite a lot of social situations bring out the awkward side of me, and therefore, bring out the sweat, but I also happen to dance and, and that involves a lot of sweat, so that's why it's always 100% sweaty... but only 78% of the time. See, basic math. You can do it.
UPDATE: My Twitter description now reads: Creeper. Yes, I mean the plant. I grow, I cling to you and I may annoy the shit out you.
Progress? Probably not. One day it may say something like: Student, Theatre Major, Asshat or something spectacular like that. I would like that.
YouTube
So, since I don't really create anymore (remember this was written before VidCon and VEDA, even though I failed that, I'm much more inspired now), I've taken to watching what my fellow, still-enthusiastic vloggers are doing.
First up, Nanalew.
Now, Nanalew makes me happy, because one: well, she doesn't hate me... yet. (After VidCon? Not sure, haha. I was sort of creepy-on-purpose to her and I don't know if I made it easy enough to tell the difference between pretend creepy and real creepy) I'm sure she's not really capable of hating anyone, but you all know that one thing I like more than talking to internet people, is talking to FEMALE internet people. There is nothing quite like being accepted by your fellow lady. Oh, and two: she's a great little actress, with a slew of cool characters and impersonations.
Her new series, Growing Up Granger is aces. Every now and then an expertly accurate impersonation of Emma Watson's Hermione comes up in a huff or in her mannerisms, which is hilarious because Emma Watson's version always leaves 86% of Harry Potter fans wanting more (I adore her, she's amazing, but come on now... is it really just me? Perhaps she is J.K.'s Hermione, but she isn't mine and that's OKAY, I'm cool with it)
The supporting vloggers playing Harry, Ron and Draco are all fantastic and I definitely think that this is a series worth exploring and hopefully we'll see more of in the future.
I can also see this potentially being a series that blows Nanalew up into the big leagues. She has definitely already put the effort in and is well known throughout the space, so it's quite deserving.
2. Nerimon
I've been enjoying Alex Day's vlogs lately about Twilight, Moving Out and just his basic opinion on the things he comes across. He's got a brilliant sense of humour and despite all our weird and awkward encounters in the past, and the rumours and gossip that follows his very lovely and thin body around, his consistently funny vlogs are definitely something worth watching.
3. BeyondTheTrailer
This is one of my favourite IndyMogul shows from the good folks at NextNewNetworks. I think Grace Randolph is an awesome, refreshing and unaffected host and I always enjoy the teams reviews, the audience reviews and the news segments surrounding all the up-coming and new release movies.
This is a show that has my fangirl cheering: Man, I wish I could do this show! It's just brilliant. Hopefully it only grows and gains more fans from here, because something has to kill the Reelz channel, I was so excited for that channel and it's just the most boring, commercial shit.
4. sweetescapee
I think that SweetEscapee is very talented and a lovely girl, but I unsubscribed today just because I'm not really one to listen to covers or original music on YouTube, it's just not where I go for that kind of entertainment.
No doubt, she'll will have 1000's more subscribers to take my place and hopefully do really well, so hopefully nobody see's this as some kind of insult.
I don't know her at all and I have over 400 (or is it 500?) subscriptions and I really need to cut it down.
Check out her lovely cover of Taylor Swift's "Today Was A Fairytale"
5. WheezyWaiter
This guy is brilliant (UPDATE: Craig really is brilliant!) He's gathering quite the following, and it's nice to hear from more people who know how to put two sentences together without using 'um.' Definitely one of the vloggers out there that make you go, 'Oh, I almost forgot that I sucked, but now I remember, yeah, I do.'
6. NylonMagazineTV
Now, this channel confuses me. Sometimes their music and interviews are really beautiful and the editing is simple or complex and really lovely and off-beat, and other times, I desperately want the job of the person who is making these videos because they seem so "whatever." I get that Nylon Magazine is all about, "whatever," but-maybe I'm just jealous. I just want to do that. Either way, I really adored their YouTube issue. However, it was impossible for an OCDwithMagazines Chick to read the magazine without stopping and saying, "I can't read anymore until I get to the computer." Super clever of them to make that connection.
7. ThatZak
He will hold getting kicked out of the Hitviews party (If I was aware he'd be in there and being served grapes by demon wenches, but he won't hear it) for the rest of my unnatural life, but I still like his videos. I like his smirk, too. I wonder how many girls and boys get their panties in a bunch while watching this fella? I like his layout and hope that he keeps up his videos and vlogs.
8. IndyMogul
The company I'd probably be desperately trying to work at if I wasn't otherwise engaged and if they would ever consider me. I like their shows. I really love their Rated Awesome videos. I'm still obsessed with their their Social Network parody. Their series are related around film and I just fan-girl them so much. They need more fans, so please get your butt over there and load up on some film techniques, lols, film news and film reviews.
9. MarkDayComedy
Whenever a video from Mark Day is in my subscription inbox I'm always impressed. I just love that this one guy is somehow still making consistently funny and coherent video blogs. I enjoyed being on the panel with him at VidCon and he's just a lovely bloke all round. I'm so glad that someone from the early days of YouTube is still radiating positivity on this space.
10. Claytonian
Due to the delights of VEDA, I've currently been enjoying getting to re-know (go with it) Claytonian. I enjoy his videos. I enjoy hearing about his adventures in Japan, his quick lessons in Japanese and other thoughts. I admit, I enjoy hearing and seeing him say my name and yes, I enjoy just seeing him. COME ON, if he's going to make a video without a shirt on then what is a girl to do? Actually concentrate on what he is saying? Care about his personality? Pffft. Ridiculousness.
No, all that aside, I hope to get to know him more. It would be amazing if one day my travels took me to Japan and I actually knew someone who lived there. That's what YouTube was all about to those of us back in the day. Connecting. Reaching out. Never is this more obvious when communicating with someone thousands of kilometres away.
Okay. I'm done. I feel sick actually. I forgot to eat. I do that quite often. And went out to get two frozen dinners at around 1am. I didn't start eating until 1:50am and now it's after 4am and I can't decide whether to finish off this turkey dinner or to hide from it. TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
Who are your favourite YouTubers? And do you think the description in your Twitter is important at all?

There's nothing wrong with pretending you're in your 30's right? A boyfriend once said to me that I seemed like a 30-year-old in a 16-year-old body. He was 20 at the time. PERV. As a naturally messy 21-year-old or older woman it's nice to sometimes let your mind drift into what life would be like if you could be an efficient and organized human being...
I live with the lady who runs the site PixiesDidIt with her sister, and so she knows how organizing can work or can fall to pieces depending on your "personality type" defined by the archetypes, Jung, Keirsey® & Myers-Briggs®.

To support her sweet company, I signed up for their daily emails, which led me to Family Circle's post, 55 Ways to Clear Clutter
I was a sucker for "home life" magazines even before any kind of possible "child-of-divorce" stereotypes could settle in on me. I always enjoyed making little mental notes while reading and decided what I would or would not do as somebody with my very own house and family. This is from a girl who can't even visualize herself being married, let alone fantasizing about her wedding AND she lives surrounded in mountains of her own junk in a basement!
Still, the desire to be organized and live a more simplistic or ritualized life creeps in every day, so I took some notes from Family Circle and have mixed in my own thoughts.
FC's Suggestion: File Away

1. Keep a portable file tote for catalogs, thank-you notes, shopping lists, and a menu planner. Take it with you for when you're waiting in the school carpool lane and check things off your to-do list. - Stephanie Vozza, founder of theorganizedparent.com

I can't imagine myself being in a school carpool lane for a very long time, if ever, but you don't need to be in a carpool lane to like this idea. If I was to put everything in one place, instead of mulitiple places, and somewhere where it would always be in view (so it would annoy me) maybe I'd take care of those little naggy to-do's that always end up on the frustratingly flimsy paper.

FC's Suggestion: Make It Tidy

2. Slip your movie collection into DVD albums, organized by genre -- comedies, dramas, and cartoons -- so it's a cinch to flip through. Recycle the empty cases through freecycle.org. - Regina Leeds, author of One Year to an Organized Work Life (Da Capo)

Most of my DVD collection is back home in Australia, though I did start to gather quite a sizable collection here until both Luke and Sarah knocked some sense into me and made me realize that DVDs are just wastes of money. Apart from some great special features, they are a waste of money and an almost-dead technology. So now my lists are on Netflix and iTunes.
However, what to do with the remaining DVDs that I love too much to give away and still have the means to watch them (before I replace or... what, transcode, them? I don't even know what I'm talking about) ? Well, I've seen other friends use this trick and it's definitely simple. Make them alphabetical or organize by genre if need be. If you really have nothing better to do you could even make a list in the front of your folder! Crazy stuff. Luckily all my DVDs are in storage so I don't have to think of this until I have to move. If you're sentimental about the covers, buy a storage case with areas for paper. Think A4, Baby.

3. Keep shelves tidy by rolling kids' T-shirts, sweaters, and sweatshirts instead of folding. - Stephanie Vozza, founder of theorganizedparent.com

I don't do this for my wardrobe, only when I travel. Until I downsize my wardrobe - something I'm working on - I never know what shirt is what and it would only get chaotic.

5. Avoid "my house is a mess" panic when unexpected guests drop in. Leave an empty storage ottoman or basket out for quick cleanups -- make sure it's big enough to stash toys, magazines, and throws. - Alicia Rockmore, founder of Buttoned Up, Inc.

You don't have to have a house to use this neat idea, your room or whole apartment could be fine. This is much better than storing under your bed or in your closet when a date decides unexpectedly that they want you and they want you now. Just don't leave the stuff their to rot.

7. A handsome vintage cabinet or sleek modern console can cleverly hide everything from books and games to a flat-screen TV. - Kim Myles, host of Myles of Style

No. What's the point? Being able to hide things all the time only gives you an excuse to be busy. Keep your house and your style open and it will only force you to be neat.

8. Keep ladles, tongs, and spatulas in place by attaching adhesive Velcro strips to both the handles and the bottom of the utensil drawer. - Julie Edelman, author ofThe Ultimate Accidental Housewife(Hyperion)

A little bit OCD, but OK...

FC's Suggestion: Hang It Up

10. Don't hide a beautiful bowl in the china cabinet. Instead, show it off on top of the dresser and use it to hold everyday necessities like your watch, wallet, and rings. - Meryl Starr, author of The Home Organizing Workbook (Chronicle)

Before I sadly lost interest in Mr. Big and that whole (this does not make me sad) "consumer" lifestyle that Sex and the City represents, I loved that the character Miranda had a lovely bowl just near her doorway that she dropped her keys and other tidbits into. So, for my birthday my Boss bought me a Tiffany glass bowl and for the longest time (when I had my own apartment) I used it. However, I often found it getting covered in other crap. So, if you're someone who see's a dent and likes to fill it with as much shit as possible, use a hook.

15. If you lack shelf space in the bathroom, give each family member a portable plastic tote that they can keep in the bedroom for stashing their nonessentials. - Donna Smallin, author of A to Z Storage Solutions (Storey)

Like Bella Swan, LOLZ. This is good for roommates; for those who live with someone who pinches things and for those who are psychotic and think their roommates are going to steal all their stuff. Loosen up, baaaaaby.

16. To save repeated trips up and down the stairs, keep a basket on the bottom step to stockpile items like slippers or video games. Carry them up all at once at the end of the day. - Romaine Lowery, author of The Clutter Clinic (Sterling)

One: Man up. Two: I feel older just reading these. Three: This is a good idea if you have stairs, just don't throw so much shit in it that you can't get it up the stairs at the end of the day.

FC's Suggestion's for Desktop Organization

18. Place a plastic sock drawer organizer in the fridge to keep small snacks like yogurt and cheese sticks organized and easily accessible to kids. - Amy Keroes, founder of Mommy Track's

I like this idea. Not for kids but for helping you organize your diet or your meal plan or ingredients for each meal. Just keep them all in once place. Now, if I ever went grocery shopping and had my own fridge, I'd probably one day do this... maybe.

23. Designate a laundry room bin for clothes that no longer fit. Once it's full, donate the castoffs to charity. - Jill Shank, cofounder of Mostly Organized Moms, Inc.

For clothes that no longer fit, are spoiled or you just don't like anymore. Give them one last wash and locate a charity that takes anything and organizes it later or a place where they accept any materials. There's one at Tompkins Square during the weekend and Luke and I use to go there all the time. Once you donate a bunch of your clothes, you should realize how much money you waste and how pointless fashion can be if you don't utilize it properly or spend your money wisely. I have definitely learnt a lot from donating clothes I spent lots of money on and getting nothing (no cash nor satisfaction) from it.

24. For each new clothing item, pair of shoes, or accessory that you buy, donate or get rid of two in its place to maintain closet space. - Audrey Thomas, professional organizer for Smead

Well, yes, this could work... but if you already have the item, why are you getting another one? Try to live minimally. This is easy if you are renting, like traveling a lot or, if you're like me, you're not guaranteed a whole lot of time in a country. If you're in a temporary situation, try not to "nest" so much. It can be difficult, but if you have a few cherished items and are allowed to paint the walls and hang up some posters, that can be enough to make you feel comfortable in your home. Or be daring, don't make your room all the comfortable. The prettier it is, maybe the more time you'll spend in it, making it messier and messier. Try living bare bones (this is my personal goal, so I feel like I'm talking to myself right now) and imagine that at any moment you could pick up and leave and have to take your favourite things with you on your back. Could you do that now? Probably not. So, keep hacking away and away at your material goods until you find something that speaks to you.

FC's Suggestion: Repurpose

27. Use leftover twist ties to tame that tangle of television, computer, and cell-phone wires. - Meryl Starr, author of The Home Organizing Workbook (Chronicle)

I like to keep my twist ties on my wires for as long as possible, this is definitely a good idea. If you have a drawer for computer things, like games or accessories, but the twist ties in a plastic lunch bag and leave them there for when you have to pack your stuff up.

29. Give a summer tote a year-round purpose. Place it on a closet shelf for storing scarves and belts. - Stephanie Vozza, founder of theorganizedparent.com

I do this with my winter gear, just don't forget you own it (like I often do) and buy new ones. Then you just have more storage and more means to fill it up with stuff.

FC's Suggestion: Recycle

40. Tackle a spring and fall cleanup each year -- no excuses. - Dan Ho, Host of The Dan Ho Show

Do it! Wouldn't it be great if you had such a minimal wardrobe that you had a uniform for some days. Not all days, that'd be boring, but for work or days when things are hectic. Something you can always reach to and feel comfortable in in times of crisis.

Instead of feeling guilty for buying so many new clothes each year or every few years on top of your older clothes, you could try to make smarter choices. Know your body shape. Feel comfortable with taking time in the dressing room and trying EVERYTHING. Try what is in "fashion" and then break away from it and back again if you have to. Whatever makes you comfortable. The shop keeper wants you to make an impulse buy, it makes their day go faster. Make them work. More importantly, make them wait. Be lovely and polite, of course, but if they are giving you attitude, just remember that you'll probably never see them again.

This doesn't just go for clothes, but for stuff, too. Books, magazines, CDs, DVDs, paperwork, toys. You don't have to singlehandedly boost the economy by yourself and you don't have to always have the "new" thing and you know what, sometimes it's okay to not be on top of the latest thing. There's nothing worse buying a ticket to a film or buying an album because it's "hot right now" and being completely unmoved by it. Let things come to you from true friends or when it feels absolutely right. I'm making it sound a little spiritual and it should be. This is how you are spending your life! (Says the girl writing the blog...)

42. Dress up your desktop by putting pens and pencils in a small vase or arranging essentials like a stapler, scissors, and mail on a colorful melamine tray. -Kim Myles, host of Myles of Style

This doesn't work. I've tried it. Maybe it'll work for you, it doesn't for me. I either have no room for papers or things get pushed off or I squeeze so much stuff into it that I'm constantly having to clean those out too. Bare necessities, baby. Keep it out in the open and deal with it.

FC's Suggestion: Use a Daily Planner

This can actually work for some people. I have my iPhone and it can keep dates easily, but I somehow always find myself forgetting theses dates. It must be the action of entering in the information, it doesn't resonate with my brain somehow and so even when the alert comes two-hours before the event, I'm likely to ignore it or not recognize it at all OR I find myself thinking that I just can't make it to that date after all.

What does seem to help me is a daily planner. One that you actually write in and log around. My Boss got me one in a last attempt to help me remember important dates and/or show up to things on time, and for a few months it worked. Now, I've misplaced - that's the trick - and so everything is in disarray again.

It's almost like keeping a journal. You may write in it every day and then you can go for weeks, months and sometimes years without making a single entry. You know your life was lived, but those blank pages doubt that any event ever occurred.

Well, I hope you got something out of this. These ideas have certainly been stamped ever deeper into my my mind and luckily they'll remain here until I notice them again and hopefully, act upon them.

What are your ways for keeping organized?

August 24th is National Waffle Day, and since I'm clearly so excited about it all the way back here on August 8th, I thought I'd list some places that Yelp (you know, that bitchy site where none and all of the information is helpful) recommends you to check out during Waffle Week, because one day of Waffles is simply not enough.
Since I'm slack at everything, I know I'll probably run out of time to eat a Waffle on Waffle Day and I won't realize it's Waffle Week until Waffle Day.
It's also Luke Week that week. Luke Week involves hanging out with my best friend in New York, @lukees, and doing whatever he wants to do before he leaves for his homeland, Canadadia. So, I probably won't eat Waffles on Waffle Day. Chances are, we'll go to s'Nice for lunch and I'll have a Curry Cauliflower Wrap, which-shit-I just remembered is still sitting in my bag! In the future, that is.
After lunch, I'll probably be so stressed from the disaster that is my work that I'll duck over to City Bakery and grab a shot of hot chocolate and a chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips.
Oh, and this is after I get confronted by a "Fortune Teller" who tells me I am very lucky and makes me sit on the sidewalk with him while he guesses a few things correctly with some paper tricks and gives me a special little rock which I "must not show to anyone!" All for thirty-five cents, which is about all I'll have on me at the time. He'll ask me to go visit his car... or his store (I won't be able to understand his accent) for some possibly dangerous reason and he'll tell me I "think too much" when I decline. Then he'll immediately approach another "lucky" lady once he's done with me. Still, cool trick, though.
So, without further Blah's of the Blah Blah, here are my desired establishments to eat a Waffle at... one day... probably not during Waffle Week, because just remembering it's Waffle Week will be hard enough for me.
Penelope - for the Pumpkin Waffle with Apple Butter
This place almost seems worthwhile because it's website isn't completely shitty. It's always nice when the flash works or when the website is actually there. That's a big plus for me.
For breakfast they serve a Strawberry and Toasted Coconut Waffle with a side of papaya (a fruit I can never put a familiar taste too, except maybe disappointment) - they call this waffle, The One Night Stand Waffle, so you know it's probably going to leave you feeling a) hollow and cold or b) vivacious and powerful, rrrr, you sex kitten, you. Read: I hate your self-confidence, lucky bitch. (Jokes... sort of.)
I can't find the Pumpkin Waffle that sounded so delicious on their menu, but still, seems worth a visit.
Wafels & Dinges - for their Wafels and... Dingoes.
Now, I can definitely see myself visiting this place during Waffle Week. I'd visit it today, but it's not in my part of town (or Waffle Week... is this joke getting old yet?), however, when it is, it's open late, so there is no excuses. Putting it in my iCal now.
It's all about the Dinges, man. Toppings, that is. Ice cream, sauces, spreads, fruit. OMFG, I want to be there right now.
Petite Abeille - FOR THE STATUE OF TIN TIN AT THE DOOR AND THE TIN TIN COMICS YOU CAN READ... and some waffle or whatever.
With so many convenient locations (for me), I can't possibly say no to this "diet breaker"
It's well acclaimed and-ohmygod, I dislike so many of the people on Yelp so much. Do you see what I'm saving you from right now? "I would rate this down to three stars for having the AC running low on such a hot day..." HOLY SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP, SWEATY MAN. These are the people who are single-handedly killing the earth. They buy waffles and they kill baby seals.
Moving on, this is the place to go for breakfast (their eggs are meant to be magnificent) and for the Liege Waffle. Do you know what that is? I don't, but I want one.
Their website is pretty confusing, seeming to only advertise beer, mussel and lobster nights, so use the Yelp site (I'm sorry) to warm you up to giving it a visit.
Amy Ruth's - for fried chicken on a waffle... just like everyone else.
This place is famous. I didn't need Yelp to tell me that. Most of my NYC Tourist Books have Amy Ruth's stamped on the map. I've been planning on going there since my first few months here (since the restaurant starts with an A, it's one of the first places I've always felt guilty about never visiting for a long time) but just never made it that far up without it being an accident or without a tour bus. The East Village can be so distracting. I sound like a real prick right now, hey?
You'll want to get there early before the crowds, though there will probably be crowds anyway. Make a day of it, work your way down through Central Park, and through the museums.
My favourites?
The American Natural History Museum - but only go if a) you've never been there before and like the idea of taking pictures in front of 100-plus-year-dead animals or b) if you actually have the time to go to an exhibit or actually read the information they provide in their many halls. Too many times have I gone with friends who have never been before, and if you're not going to learn or see anything new, there's really no point.
The New York Historical Society - it's right next to the ANHM and the paintings here are really brilliant. I went to see the exhibit "New York Painting Begins: Eighteenth-Century Portraits" which are really a bunch of creepy, pretty, and sometimes badly painted portraits of well-to-do family members holding flowers or books or other objects to symbolize their status, business or interests. I enjoyed it because it made me realize that I could easily have been one of these Eighteenth-Century painters when I think of my reproduction of a portrait that I started late last year.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art - go to the Temple of When Harry Met Sally and recreate one of the sweet scenes when Harry asks Sally to dinner. If that doesn't justify a trip to a museum, then take lots of photos (the lighting is fabulous) and wander all the way to back (or wherever it is) to the Public Storage Rooms and the other super duper creepy replications of rooms from churches or mansions or other New York estates. When it's just you and a security guard at about 7pm at night, this place gets eerie.
But what are we talking about Musuems or Waffles? I wonder if there is a Waffle Museum somewhere? *Googles* No. But there is a Waffle House Museum, the first location of a Waffle House, well thank the sweet Lord for that preservation. Ahem.
Other Places To Eat Waffles or Waffle-Like Things And Feel Bad About Yourself Afterwards:
Melba's - chicken, waffles, strawberry butterThe Stanton Social - chicken and waffles or is it chicken IN waffles? Somebody actually listed EVERYTHING they ate there, including their bottled water, and remarked "the food came out fast, maybe too fast but we would complain if it did not come out fast enough" STAB. STAB. STAB.Steak Truck - Waffle Fries and men in suits.Wogies - Waffle Fries with Beer and Philly fans... *shudder* (again, jokes... sort of.) or 99 Miles To Philly - if you really like Philly fans.
So the evening has come, and I'm hungry. I wonder what I'm going to have for dinner... Waffles, you say? Nah, I feel like pancakes.
ZING.

Ever since the age of 13, I have been called a "tease" and that I apparently "lead boys on." 

This always confused me because I was just trying to fit in. 

Boys didn't seem to like bitchy girls and they seemed to like nice girls, and I simply found the boys I knew fascinating. They were so funny and I wanted to be funny too. So, I would joke and play and flirt back at them, not realizing my careless attitude towards them often took them off guard, confused them and made them think they liked me. They never really did. And after a while they always realized this. 

I tried to be more careful (somewhere around the first season of The O.C.) but I hate shutting people out. Who knows who you could love or be great friends with one day?

Most boys I know would disagree with this. Some guys have told me just to tell them then and there that they have no chance with me. I don't do this because I don't know if they will or won't. I'm never actively seeking out someone to be with, so it's always just a nice surprise when I get along with someone and am attracted to them and want more, so why end something so fast?

But am I simply putting myself in a state of ignorance? Perhaps I need to pick up my journal and reflect a little. Maybe if I did that more often I wouldn't be in this situation an my head would be a little clearer.

Here's what I know: I like to know people for a long time before I get to know them personally. Three months... Almost a year... Whatever happens with the relationship is possibly more painful at that point but at least it's not usually as dissatisfying as a stranger's touch or a second-date hook up and break up.

I also know that I need to be free and independent, because there is so much I do and so much of me that needs to grow. People can do this with partners, but it's more difficult with new relationships.

Questions: Is my need for love strong enough to commit myself to the person I love?

What does my heart say? Well, what time is it? Because what my heart says at 3pm is wildly different to what my heart says at 11pm I don't give enough credibility to my feelings because my feeling are often stupid and wrong and influenced by the latest film or pop song. My feelings can suck it, I need to listen to my brain, and act when it feels right to act and except the consequences later. Sometimes keeping thongs casual are best, I've done pretty well at being the Casual Girl. Perhaps sometimes it can make one feel a bit hollow or resentful, but I'd often rather be that than the one caught with the feelings and rejected.

I'll try to do the right thing, according to other peoples opinions, at least I can then blame them later...

***

When it comes to work, I've been thinking. Maybe I need to try to give it a really good go. Make up the work times myself and stick to them, and actually work during those times, work hard, try a little dedication and then see how I feel.

I always feel bad about complaining about my unhappiness when I know that I am so far from perfect. If I strive for perfection and live a fairly ordered life for a month, maybe then I can reflect on my feelings and see if there are any changes and feel better about being sad if I've put in an effort. That's a funny statement, feeling better about being sad, but hopefully you can understand. Don't you often wonder if you are, in fact, the bad guy in the situation? I think about it all the time.

Here's what I know (about the work part of my life): Adventure beckons me from every corner. I am a wanderer, as lame as it is to say. It is very hard for me to live in one place for so long. So, sitting in front of a desktop can easily depress me.

I need to take my share of the blame for my unhappiness and uncertainty, before I run off to other horizons.

Was this blog post influenced by a horoscope? We may never know... ; )

After a couple of months of watching the teaser and the trailer, I am definitely very, very, very interested in the film, The Social Network. I love that it's about something so very "now" and I love that it's about figures that I've already read about and discussed with my friends and I love all the scandal behind Facebook and the drama behind the film itself.
I've already discussed Facebook a few posts back, so I'm going to focus on the film.
I love how it is shot; the colour "theme" (if I can call it that, I'm a noob when it comes to critiquing/analyzing/knowing much of anything about film production) during the school years of the film and how it's so dark and almost sepia like, giving Harvard and that "exclusive" life they talk about, that old world touch, making it seem distant and unreachable. The brief snippets of the actors performances seem very likable, and I have noticed that so many of East Coast actors (whether they are born there or playing it) have these lovely, deep, I'm-an-asshole voices (really only when listening to, "this idea is potentially worth millions of dollars" and "let's sue him in federal court"
The trailer is so well done. Whoever edited it deserves an award for Awesome Trailer of Awesomeness. The screen-capture intro matching the words to song is quite literal, yes, but still so well timed, that it makes the song Creep by Radiohead fit this online world so perfectly you wonder why you had not related it solely to Internet Life before (because despite what people I admire say, I like to consider my time on the Internet different to my Real Life, because I like to think that this is just a faze and my real life will begin soon... oh God, that's so depressing and makes those I mentioned so much for right about this... anyway, I'm going off point...).
The screen capture of the Facebook site goes for almost a minute before we see any shots or hear any dialogue from the film, and it's amazing that they were able to fit so much intriguing footage and dialogue into 1 min and 30 seconds.
Also, the shot at 2:01 of a woman (I don't know who she is in the film) with tears of what almost seems like horror or shock in her eyes is really beautiful. I can't wait to find out who she is. I'm refusing to visit the IMDB page or 500millionfriends website because I don't want to get even more carried away.
Plus, that ending, so brilliantly obnoxious. I'm not a part of the Gawker-lifestyle of people who are really interested in that world and invest in the drama surrounding it, and thank goodness, else I'd be even crazier about this film, but I can't wait to watch it. I think I'm so excited because it's based on true events and is now being immortalized in film, and there is something very special about how certain random events can one day be capsulized in a film.
Anyway, blah blah blah, a few people have been making parodies of the trailer. I saw one for eBay and YouTube, both of which were okay, but the best one (and I'm sure it's not just because so many of my pals are in it) is for Twitter by IndyMogul. Check it out here if you haven't see it already. And, so, because it's been in my head for a while now, I thought I'd make a text parody relevant to my life right now. Just to be self-indulgent in the spirit of Facebook. Right?
*This won't make sense if you don't know the Internet-version of me and what I'm up to or if you haven't watched the trailers/parodies... I recommend watching both first. Or just skipping this completely to watch them. Good plan*

**Better yet play the trailer and read my blog at the same time. It fits quite well, surprisingly**
I don't care if it hurts,I wanna have controlI want a perfect bodyI want a perfect soul
I want you to noticeWhen I'm not aroundYou're so very specialI wish I was special...
Brain: I need to completely roadblock your life by keeping you up all night on the Internet.Me: Why?Brain: Because a healthy lifestyle leads to progress and success and makes you wash your clothes.
But I'm a creep
Brain: I want you to go on the Internet and live your life through other people, and there are a few really great websites where you can do that...
I'm a weirdo
Me: You're talking about completely distracting me from work and keeping me up 'til 4am online?
What the hell am I doing here?
Concerned Friend: You spent twenty-two minutes updating your Twitter feed?Me: Hours. Twenty-two hours.
I don't belong here.
Brain: That tumblr post could potentially lead to millions of followers.Me: Millions?
Concerned Friend: She's always on that website.Me: My friends are saying that I'm on Facebook too much -Brain: I know what they say.Me: So am I!?
She's running out again
Brain: One video every month isn't cool. You know what's cool? Thirty videos.
Me: I'm going to get left behind. Life is moving faster than I could have possibly imagined.Brain: You've already been left behind.
Concerned Friend: Let's shut down her Time Warner account!
Brain: I can't wait to watch your eyes burn up and for you to become a complete insomniac.Me: If you think that's going to happen... then let me just tweet that that's going to happen.
She's running out
Me: Are there any videos I haven't watched yet!?
Boss: Your actions could have permanently destroyed everything I've been working on.Me: LOL. "Working on." Right.
She run, run, run...
Brain: Did you like only having 1000 followers? Do you want to go back to that?
Me: SLEEP!!!
Run
YOU DON'T BECOME A DYSFUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING
Brain: Your life is online.
WITHOUT A TWITTER, FACEBOOK, TUMBLR, YOUTUBE, SKYPE, AIM, DIGG, ETC, ACCOUNT.
Concerned Friend: You're being accused of intentionally sleeping in all day, violating the Internet, lurking on male profiles...
Run
Concerned Fried: Your best friend is traveling the world and you haven't left your basement in 6 days.
...
Me: As for your concern, I believe I deserve a few "likes" from everyone.Concerned Friend: Uh, I'm sorry?Me: Yes.Concerned Friend: I can't "like" something you say out loud.Me: Then what is the point?
I don't belong here.
Oh, Life. I remember when I accomplished things and felt good about myself. Those were the days...

"It's hard to say when you are playing with time, Miss Hill" - J.S.
It is very easy to play with Time online. The problem is forgetting when you played with it.
Oh, and thanks to the smart ass who posted this,

Tumblr said...

We'll get right on that for ya Caitlin.
I mean hell, writing a few lines of code to completely change the interface of world wide website is the least we can do to appease someone who has done so much to advance the knowledge of bending time and space. We are truly humbled and welcome any further changes you require. When you return from the past perhaps you can bring Albert Einstein because you have obviously been having lunch with him or something.This idea is just to brilliant!

August 15, 2010 11:27 PM

Albert Einstein said...

Actually, Caitlin and I will return soon, the tumblr "ask" button as inspired my next work. Caitlin will be helping me develop my new "Theory of irrelvantivity."

I really hope this isn't from someone from Tumblr, because one, I wasn't dissing the site in anyway, and two, I wasn't expecting anyone to see my thoughts and then go and change the whole site. If I expected that I would have been an asshole and posted it on Tumblr.
It's not like I'm bitching about a few users posting too many answers, other people have expressed interest in a filter. Do they expect it from Tumblr? No, well, at least the ones I talk to do not expect an immediate or drastic change, or any change at all.
I also don't like the idea that someone from Tumblr would write with bad grammar, this goes for Albert Einstein, too.
Back to Time, I've been having trouble with it lately. I've been messing with it, yes, but I'm also having trouble keeping up with it. My schedule, or at least, an appropriate schedule to live by (since I don't think I've ever had one) is in complete disarray, and I am completely falling behind on keeping up with day-to-day life. This includes, sleep, clean clothes, work, social life, etc.
I'm in such a bad place right now. I am unhappy with my living situation, I'm almost always broke or about to be broke or am just not doing anything with money so that I don't become broke (this means I am not taking classes for any of the interests that would make me happy) and I hate, hate, hate my work. And I don't care who sees this. I love helping the people do exciting things, things that bring a smile to their face or give them a memory to hold on to, even if there is some bullshit that goes down from agency to client, etc, but other than personally enjoying the success of others, I hate sitting at my desk all day, I hate being so depresssed all the time so that I can barely get up in the morning because I don't want to sit at my desk all day, and I really don't think a trip to the therapist, some pills and acknowledging the fact that "lots of people do jobs they don't like" is going to improve anything.
For one thing, these people receive money steadily to do things they want to do OR they work shift work, meaning that they are done by 5pm and that's it, oh and they have hard-ass bosses who set deadlines for them, instead of leaving unhappy young adults to drown in the amount of work they have to do with the distractions of "the life they want" showing up every second in the form of buildings, people, films, books... Tumblr, even. :)
I love New York and all that I want is here but I don't have any freedom. Even when I do things right and am given freedom, the restrictions of my "key" to being here does not allow me to do anything about it. There is always school, yes, but I'm only just starting to figure out exactly what I want to study. It's taken so long because I keep getting so darn distracted by everything else.
Whine, whine, whine, whatever. I know that I have no real problems but I'd rather be struggling at what I love than struggling at what I hate.
So, what does this have to do with Time? I've just never seen it go so slowly and so quickly before. I've never felt the minutes slip away quite as much as I have over this past year. There have been some great developments in some parts of my life this year, but those few joyous nights or moments are greatly outweighed by days, frozen, watching the room glow from dark to light to dark again and hating every minute of it.

Other people have probably thought of this, but it would be cool if we could filter our dashboard on Tumblr.

I just don't like seeing a ton of Q&A posts.

I am really not interested in seeing people's formspring answers or tumblr message answers and I'm not really interested in people seeing any of mine. I'm not saying people should stop doing this, they shouldn't, I just want to only see pictures, videos, quotes etc. from these people.

Also, sometimes people answer all their questions at once, this makes sense, I just dislike having to load and load until I get to the content that I clicked "follow" for.

Do you appreciate my insolence for calling this Day Four of BEDA? I'm naughty.

Wow, the last few days have been quite hectic. We are currently in the middle of a campaign here at Hitviews and it's really not a good time to be thinking about a video or a blog a day. So instead I find myself thinking of them at night... and then editing them in the early hours of the morning... and then falling asleep on the floor. This can't be healthy, but it's not like it's a dramatic change to my usual schedule.
I currently have my 11 minute long VidCon video exporting right now, and I'm sure it'll take even longer to upload. I like the video, it'll be good evidence of an enjoyable weekend I had. I wish it wasn't so long, but I didn't want to sacrifice what I had to say just to satisfy or attract a few extra people.
So, as the title suggests, I am participating in VAEDA and BAEDA. Vlog and Blog ALMOST every day August. A witty title, JimTheHermit came up with in my comment section. I don't plan on skipping the work, I plan on simply catching up. I need to have faith in myself, though I can already hear my BlogTV Crew groaning. Thanks guys.
Here are some notes I made while at VidCon.
Wednesday Night - wrock, hair, heat, going a little crazy, the first gray hair, exhaustion.
Thursday - inappropriate airport songs, in-and-out and the planes flying over, meeting Matan, nerves before arriving, constant loveliness of online people, Hank and John Green, reactions to new hair, nerimon, toby, nanalew, catrific, tessa, justine, alli, kevjumba, The VidCon Volunteers, general calmness that crossing out lines gives me, hanging around for no specific purpose, the room with John and Tom, beers. It was just so lovely.
Friday - "what is a brand? A brand is a promise," vidstatsx.com,
JOHN: I don't even know what's happening next because I'm so panicked."The audience calls out names of who they want on next and Hank Green begins to trot on stage to help.JOHN: Oh, yes I do.Hank whips around and trots off.
SHANE: They like donations, and I always give them big donations and they let me run wild and don't ask any questions...ANONYMOUS: That's very Catholic of them.- On the Spanish Catholic Elementary School where Shane Dawson films his skits.
VIEWER: While you were growing up, losing weight and getting online...- I found this opening line ridiculous and awesome at the same time.
Saturday - The YouTuber, CrabStickz.
I remember feeling so sad and lost at times. I think it was because I was not there with a group but by myself. I always felt like I was missing out on something because I was not with a fellow person involved in online video. I tried to shake it off, but it was hard to get over. I think that's sometimes why I felt so lost.
I remember spending a lot of time with Barats and Bereta who are just really lovely guys. It was the second time we had hung out and they are both so funny, it was nice to just sit and talk with them for a bit while all the crazy went down around us.
I felt uplifted by the positive energy that online video can create and the people seem to all be growing up wonderfully, and... I was thankful for every moment with these amazing people.
The East Coast is quite quiet now. I really only know a few comedy groups and then Mememolly and ISnoggedHarry, SupaDupaFlyGirl and... who else? There is the Next New Network and some Revision 3 people, who are some of my favourite people in the city, but it feels like everyone is up and moving to Los Angeles. I think that if I don't find myself on a plane back home in November, I would like to stay in Los Angeles or somewhere in California for the Winter. I really don't want to deal with another New York Winter.
That's the problem with New York City. Do you wait around to make more friends and better friends or do you just watch them all leave you behind?
***This was one of my Drafted posts, so I'm happy***

Highlights:

1. A bagel with cream cheese
2. Finding out that I wasn't becoming a product of the 21st century and completely impatient, but that the Internet is incredibly slow here. Apparently we are now getting a T1 line! I don't know what that is, but I hear it's fast!
3. Charlie's video, which was quite a surprise!
4. Wow, your day can't have that many highlights when you are mostly planning on making videos...

In my Day One video, I asked everyone where I should skydive next, and I liked your suggestions a lot.
onioncheesecoffee: Skydive Oregon - Molalla, OR - The scenery is beyond beautiful. The ground is almost always green in every direction. Massive mountains jut up in the distance (Hood, St. Helens, Ranier, The Three Sisters)
seventyangel: Byron Bay, NSW
RomanNikoles, dctcool, Skye940, A7XDudeDrums support my idea to skydive on the Gold Coast, Qld
bulabula80: Skydive Fiji!
fizzylimon: Skydive in Orlando - only if you jump with me, Steve :)
A7XDudeDrums: Wollongong, NSW
LilMissae: Yarra Valley, Melbourne
PurpleLemonTree: Lake Taupo, New Zealand.
All of these places would be gorgeous to skydive in, however I have to admit that I still get nervous at the idea of doing it again. Though I can imagine how amazing it would feel to say that I had been skydiving in all those places.
I found some cool people who are also doing VEDA.
JeebJello - my ex-roommate and all-round mystery man. He has a gorgeous new camera (bastard!) and I think he may not be in America anymore. I'm looking forward to seeing him stick with something. He says he started because of me, but I think I started because of him, which means I can time travel, awesome!
He's really funny, go send him some encouragement!
DigiWax - one of my first subscriptions and one of the first, if not the first Australian I found on YouTube. He's doing something different with his VEDA. Instead of talking about himself, he's going to be talking to others. So head on over and suggest people for him to talk to.
AllThatJazz - I love her quirky little videos and she also seems to understand that Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets is superior to so many of the other Harry Potter films because the book just translates so easily to film. I think the book is closest to being a mystery novel, whereas the others have too many special moments that don't add to the general story and so they don't make it into the films - I will stop before my whole blog becomes a Harry Potter rant.
I also saw a comment that some people participate in VEDO, Vlog Every Day in October. So, if this goes well, I may take September off - or I won't post every day - and then I'll get back into it.
I am a bit worried about today's video. I wanted to talk about VidCon, but I couldn't find my VidCon shirt and I didn't want to compromise, so I'm going to talk about it tomorrow, hopefully. Then I have other videos to do, but they are quite big on production, so I might have to resort to the plan I was meant to act out last year. This is all quite complicated. I wish I hadn't decided to do this last moment, but I guess it just means doing something worthwhile at 3am instead of posting things on Tumblr.
Well, I can't type on this all day. I have to do my job and I have to also edit some of the drafts I have so I can post what I said I would.
Here's hoping not all of August is me posting random crap.

There is an hour left in August 1st and my video for Vlog Every Day in August is rendering away and I am feeling rather wired.
I don't know why I decided to do this or at least attempt this project. Anyone who has watched my online presence for a while now knows how badly I fail at consistency and posting or uploading anything day after day. I forget or I can't edit something the way I would like to so I just give up. Well, I'm kind of over that and there is a friendly neighbourhood Spiderman to help me, so I am hoping I can feel pretty good, and exhausted, on August 31st.
Are you meant to record each day for Blog Every Day in August or are you just meant to post whatever you want, a journal entry and rant about foursquare? Whatever?
I think I might do both, but my main purpose for Blog Every Day in August is to finish writing and editing the drafts I already have.
You always feel better when you've cleared out the old ideas and can think of the new. This has been my goal for a really, really long time.
Expect some blogs about books and my thoughts of various restaurants and New York City sights and hopefully some other stuff that may make for an interesting read or might just have you going, "Wow, look at all the time she is wasting."
Moving on, a quick recording of the day. I was out in Brooklyn until very late last night because of the Good Bad Movie Night, a Brooklyn tradition celebrating terrible films that are just so lovable in a, "Oh, look how hard they tried!" kind of way.
We watched Birdemic, Garden of Heathens and Chopping Mall and all were brilliant and definitely worth a Google search. I always love going to the Good Bad Movie Nights because of funny the crew is, they crack me up.
And then I ended up in a construction sight and everything got a little strange...
Onwards to Sunday! I found a Glamour magazine and ruffled through it, the issue with Taylor Swift on the cover. I have never purchased a Glamour magazine before, so I couldn't resist acquiring one for free. I am really big fan of layouts. If a magazine has a good spread then the content almost always follows suit. That's why I am really not a big fan of 17 Magazine, they may have good or bad content, I'm not sure, I just can't stand the layout, it seems so sterile sometimes and then so messy the next month.
I spent most of the day filming and editing and getting clothes ready to be washed. We took a break and went over to Goodburger "Home of the Good Burger" and the fries are amazing, just like McDonalds fries.
Argh! Does anyone else hate this blog post or is it just me? I'll work on it and hopefully tomorrow's will be a better read. I feel like a 14 year old version of me right now.
It's going to be difficult balancing marketing campaigns with video production for the Hitviews site and for my own channel. Not to mention the blog posts and just keeping my life in order. I just have to be positive, I'm tired of being disappointed, and I'm sure some of you guys are too.
Have a good night! I just made it... my video will make it, too... on err, West Coast time. : )
CheersCaitlin

LOOK AT ALL THESE MODERN CLASSICS THAT I HAVEN'T READ YET!

Animal Farm by George Orwell
1984 by George Orwell
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
Dracula by Bram Stoker
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
Heart of Darkness & The Secret Sharer by Joseph Conrad
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
Beowulf
Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas by Frederick Douglas
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Othello by William Shakespeare - seen the theatre version but have never read in full
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen - seen many times, started many times, but not yet completed
Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Macbeth by William Shakespeare
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas
A Midsummer's Night Dream by William Shakespeare - seen only the film versions, not yet completed
The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Authors I should have read: Tom Clancy, Patricia Cornwell, W.E.B. Griffin, Nora Roberts, William Gibson, Robin Cook, Brian Jacques, Catherine Coulter, Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Ken Follett, Clive Cussler, Eric Jerome Dickey, John Sandford, Terry McMillan...
What the hell was the English Department at my school doing? Ah, I can't blame them. Everyone's education is in their own hands. I will simply educate myself as much as I can with the tools and resources that I have.
I still read a lot during primary school and high school, but it was a lot of novels and children's books (and ahem, Harry Potter) and other titles that I can no longer remember. Maybe that is why my spelling is pretty great but my grammar can be quite irregular at times?
Knowing all these smart and productive people online has given me one goal in life: always aim to be smarter. My previous goal was: aim to be less ignorant, but I think they both go hand in hand, and this sounds a lot more positive.
I will come back to this list and cross these titles off as I go. It'll feel great. Anyway, I have to get back to my school, The Netflix Conservatory.
Crack a Book,Caitlin

I wish that underpants came with a stamped date of when you purchased them. If they did, we could learn a lot about each other by simply asking, "How old are your underpants?"
Imagine this, you are sitting with a friend whom you have known for some time. You have gone to parties together, to restaurants together, talked about each other's lives with care, but you've never asked the question, "How old are your underpants?" So you do and they tell you and the appropriate alternative actions follow:
1. Respond to this information with the date of your own underpants that you are currently wearing, but only do so if,
a) they responded to your questions positively, which means you are on the same level and perfectly within your rights to discuss each others underpants (this is also a great way to make conversation because the adventures of underpants can often be funny),b) the date of their underpants does not freak you out.
If you are on a date, and they say their underpants were purchased today or recently, then they probably want to either,
a) sleep with you, or,b) they have just had a major life crisis that resulted in a frenzied purchase of new underpants.
You may or may not want to be involved with this person because,
a) you do not think of them that way, or, b) you need time to consider whether they are even stable and capable of functioning as a normal, well-balanced Human being.
Unless it was by complete coincidence, such a new purchase of underpants can only reveal them to either be,
a) dirty,b) completely incapable of washing underpants,c) the kind of person who loses underpants due to their general frenzied and flakey way of living or,d) the kind of person who thinks that new underpants are alluring or fun, and that really isn't the kind of person a simple, well-balanced, registered voter, and civilized citizen like you wants to be involved with.
If you are uncomfortable with their new purchase, the best thing to do is to be honest. Society appreciates honesty and if you give them time to explain their underpants to you, you may find your friendship has grown closer than before, when you didn't know how old their underpants were.
Now, what if the date of the pants is too old? This can be a problem because it is hard to tell whether their wearing of old underpants is a compliment to you, an insult or means you need to run very fast in the opposite direction.
The best thing to do is quickly think of a few reasons why their pants could be so old. Here are some helpful thoughts; they either,
a) are wearing a lucky pair of underpants that makes them feel special and brave because they want to impress you,b) want to insult you by wearing old underpants to show that they don't care about the time they spend with you,c) they are not a well-balanced individual who sets aside time to purchase new underpants,d) they have separation anxiety,e) they are too sentimental and will be clingy in your relationship,f) their residence is ill-kept or they have no residence,g) they are meeting you after a one-night stand with someone much older and less attractive in the cold light of day. They had snuck out at five in the morning without checking what clothes they were wearing because they were so filled with regret, but then they realized they not only had on the wrong underpants but also had on the wrong pants and did not have their house keys, and have now locked themselves out of their one-night stands apartment. They didn't want to call their said "stand" so they just wandered the streets thinking about all the mistakes they had made until they remembered the date you had planned and now you know why they were there so early and why their hair looks like sex hair, or,h) they are the type of person who kills people.
React appropriately. Be calm, civilized, help them or be honest and explain that you just don't need a person who does that in your life right now and/or call 911 or your areas Emergency code.
If the date of their underpants does not freak you out, (a simple, well-balanced, registered voter, and civilized citizen like yourself should have at least one new pair of underpants for each year and may own underpants for as long as five years, up to ten if they are very special and not worn frequently) then proceed to tell the story of your underpants.
Story Ideas: Where did you get them? Where have they been? Have they ever talked to you during an acid trip, etc? (Every simple, well-balanced, registered voter and civilized citizen is allowed to go a little hog wild every 15 years.)
And lastly, if they do not respond positively to your question then you should apologize sincerely and steer the conversation towards the Pasta Alfredo that you are eating, because that is what you eat if you are a simple, well-balanced, registered voter and civilized citizen - just don't forget the Caesar Salad on the side!
However, if you must know the date, I suggest a shoe-camera for up-skirting (take it back to your friendly neighborhood molester to get an approximate date or you should break into their place of residence and check... because all pants will be stamped with the date that you buy them from now on. Because of this blog. Because it is amazing.
Thank you for your time.
- A Civilized Citizen.

The flare against Facebook has come and gone (at least until all is revealed to the general public in the upcoming film, The Social Network), and any new sites that tried to enter the "social network" space have not had a big enough impact and still, if you quickly wander through your friends of friends pages you'll see dozens and dozens, and hundreds, and thousands, if not millions of profiles still open to the public eye. Why? Why haven't they left along with all those Google employees? To start understanding this you'd have to think about the people who use Facebook.
Let's start at the top, The Retired/Elderly/Twilight Years.If they are on Facebook they are most often there because they are excited about the booms in technology and want to be a part of it or they were already tech geeks before you had your first macbook or their children, grandchildren or savvy friends have set one up for them and taught them how to navigate around the site (unwisely). Some rarely use the site, some enjoy it, perhaps a little too much (to the dismay of their loved ones, mostly) and some of them think it's stupid, which it kind of is.
Why are they still there? Chances are they don't read those blogs and chances are they wouldn't notice if their settings had changed anyway.
"But this is what Facebook is relying on!" Yes, well, this either gives these folk the final reason to get off the damned site OR they wouldn't quit their Facebook snooping for anybody, even if Facebook is now able to make that little ad nobody notices anyway suit their "Interests" even better. So everyone wins in this age bracket, really.
Then you have your middle-aged. The Dads, the Moms, the Career-Driven, the forever Slackers and Free Spirits.Quite a lot of these people have blogs and some of these blogs like to continually dish up the "evil" things that Zuckerberg has done.
Why are they still there? These privacy changes haven't fazed many people because people are only getting savvier with their safety these days (and events like this only help them protect themselves further) or the people want so many friends they simply want it ALL out there, like their own Reality TV show.Some are ONLY on Facebook because a friend has pushed them into it, and therefore they have little more than a single profile picture on their page. Remember, a lot of these people are of the generation where calling yourself Fallen_Angel74 was still popular, and the idea of putting information online was ALWAYS considered unsafe until some brave teenagers and entrepreneurs realized there was a lot of bored people out there.
Similar reasons can be argued for why the younger generation (let's group everyone under 30 together to keep it simple) are still around.
They are still here because they either already hated sites like MySpace and Facebook and only joined to appease their friends, and some think the whole idea of even being online is dangerous and are worried about giving out their full name, let alone "the private information that the changes in privacy could reveal" So, the changes do not affect them.
Then there are the "accumulators" - they just want to watch the numbers crunch over. More friends, more points in Mafia Wars, more Notifications, that's their own little thrill... or it's part of building their "Personal Brand", either way, they want people to know all about them, because they are so awesome and so their pictures and emails and locations are posted online and synced with other social networks likes Twitter and YouTube. They see Facebook as a game, and are usually savvy enough to quickly alter any information that they only want to share with "friends." If they don't make these changes, well, our good friends at 4Chan are always around to harass them about it.
So, to reiterate, why are they still there? Because they don't care, don't log in long enough to notice or they "changed their settings as soon their friend tweeted about it... like, four months ago."
If they aren't there, the privacy issues were simply an easy rebuttal when their friends ask they why they can't find them, which means that they probably would have left eventually anyway or that Facebook had a number of equally annoying problems that caused many Facebook users to join the Group, "STOP CHANGING FACEBOOK!!!" Changing all our Interests into Fan Pages, is one good example for the many new members.
Then there is the fine line of balance. Safety, privacy and being social. It's a very hard line to walk. It is so much easier just to accept every friend request that comes your way instead of going to the profile first and checking or asking the "mutual friend" if they actually know the person or just accepted them (quite often they don't know them at all or they are simply an acquaintance.) This can get get overwhelming at times. So how does one find balance?
It is not everyone's favourite thing to do but EXPLORE THE SETTINGS on the site. You can group Strangers and block them from seeing personal notes, wall posts to friends or photos, but you can let them see your own wall posts or latest harvest on Farmville (because that's the cool thing, right?) And if you're tired of adding strangers, leave them up on your Friend Request wall until you've made your mind up about them. Don't worry about how long it takes you. Chances are they won't even say anything to you when you add them (which reminds me: when you DO add someone, post a comment on their wall, what's the point if you're not going to connect?)
One of the greatest things about MySpace was the Top 8, not only could you display your favourite friends (and cause drama along the way) but you could easily see whether they had changed their profile picture and that usually meant they had probably posted some blogs or comments, too. So, honor your old MySpace life and create a group for your Top 150 (the Dunbar's number of the maximum amount of stable social relationships a human can have.) Never again will you neglect your distant best friend because that person who knows that person you met a party once posts too many wall posts, which also leads me to my favourite and most magical, "Hide" button.
Instead of tearing out your hair whenever you see Obnoxious Friends updates about how they "Got a lot done at work today, yes!!! Making $$$." and are now "About to start packing for my trip to Barbados! I know you're jealous." Hide that stuff. You won't have to Remove them from your friends list and cause any drama or awkward stairs in the elevator, but you won't ever have to hear "Just downed a Venti Chai with real milk. Meant to get soy but forgot" ever again.
BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CONSUMER SIDE OF THINGS?
A lot of the shared rage some months ago was over Facebook interrupting their users activity and asking them (to put it simply), "Can we follow you around the Internet so brands/networks/periodicals can know what you are into and then we can continue building our Death Star?" You didn't have time to decide. You couldn't leave the page unless you clicked the X.
"It's now or never, folks," Facebook leered, counting its money in a dark corner somewhere. "Are you going to be a loser or are you finally going to admit that Mark was right and Privacy is dead?"
Well, what did I do? I selected, "Privacy is dead."
"BUT WHY? HOW COULD YOU. YOU'RE A SELL-OUT AT LIFE." Please. Like this makes any difference. Do I have to press the Like button on the article I just read? No. Does the site know I've been there? I'm going to go with yes. Are they using my information. I'm going to be honest and say, I don't know and most probably, yes. Do I care?
NO. Because I still have control. And those ads still need to exist so that they will stream the latest episodes of my favourite show on Hulu, on a nice high quality player with those fun dimmer buttons. I'm not quite ready to start purchasing these shows from iTunes or to start watching low-res versions of them on YouTube (something that won't be a problem for YouTube for long) and I still have my money in my pocket. I'm not about to go and buy an Old Spice stick (though I probably will when I'm older just to remember the glory days of Isaiah Mustafa) and I always aim to be an intelligent consumer (as intelligent as one could be in front of all those pretty, twinkly lightsss ooooh....what? What?) and so if ONE bloody thing could stay popular for longer than five years and not become the Former Embarrassment of my Early Internet Days, I'm staying on Facebook.
...but if someone could create something even better that'd be totally awesome.

[EDIT: The posting of this message has been delayed due to the events of VidCon, it was originally written on Monday, July 5th, 2010]
Before we begin:
1: Some people, due to their popularity or general lack of interest in their inboxes, let the messages in their YouTube inbox accumulate into the thousands, and eventually, they simply give up on ever reading these messages. Instead, they direct their viewers to message them at an independent account or to just comment because, "they read them all." Due to their popularity, this is all they can do without their heads exploding.
2: Some people feel completely nuts if their inbox reaches a high amount, and find great satisfaction in getting their inbox down to 0. Even if they don't read the whole message or reply, the simple act of deleting crap and storing the rest for an eventual reply is enough to not let one feel like they have no control over their life. Some people do this even if their heads do explode several times.
3: I was a Number 1 person (in a general lack of interest way), and I am now a Number 2 person. It is easier for me though, due to the fact that my YouTube account has purposefully cooled down over the years. So, my head does not explode, but my, my, does it sure bubble. With disappointment.
I really only have "Don'ts" to advise on, because I don't think one should suggest what nice or appropriate things (Dos) people should say to another. You can say what you want. However, I do enjoy a message that is written with spirit, and is short and honest.
[EDIT: and those this post becomes less of a "Don't" blog and more about my thoughts and feelings on a message I received, I do hope to revisit this in the future, hopefully with something more amusing]
I find myself not enjoying messages from the "I'm so random" people, since I use to-and to a certain extent, every now and then, still do-write messages in this excitable manner, and find it quite tedious for ones inner voice to work out. I always reprimand myself for writing and thinking this way afterwards and think it is a good habit to work yourself out of eventually.
However, this messaging behaviour is not a Don't, because being excitable over a person (something I find myself doing almost every hour of the day) is not necessarily a bad thing. It just shouldn't become a mush of oh-so-aware-of-what-I-think-is-my-own-hilarity-but-is-in-fact-well-documented-in-late-90s-early-2000-television-show rambles.
Ok, so here is my suggested Don't or, to be more correct, here are my thoughts on a message I was just sent that disappoints me and makes me angry:
For quite a while I have been messaging back and forth with a man who offered to help me close a few fake accounts that edited content of mine into what I and many others found to be offensive, and politically and morally incorrect. I thanked him for his kindess and effort, and asked him to not let it consume his time, as the remaining channels merely needed to be ignored and deleted by quiet yet consistent flagging. Starting any kind of discussion with this unknown person was pointless; I had already tried that route.
Since then, this man who helped me, would occasionally inform me of his various lawsuits against YouTube, and, I admit, I ignored most of these messages. [EDIT: I do not regret this decision. If his behaviour was more appropriate and he wasn't associated with so many petty online discussions beforehand, perhaps I would have taken his issues with YouTube more seriously.] I replied his messages politely every now and then at first, because I wanted to show my thanks. However, I simply had no opinion or desire to rush to support anything I did not completely understand yet and to some extent did not agree with. I'm all for people fighting for rights and taking matters into their own hands, but I simply did not want him to take my polite replies as validation of what he was suing against, and I expressed this to him on one message (as nicely as I possibly could). He also seemed quite eccentric about his opinions and would message me without prompting on his advancements, and this made me uncomfortable; I was just trying to protect myself.
He was perfectly polite and understanding about me not wanting to be involved and the frequency of messages from him slowed down. I thought perhaps I was dealing with an impassioned yet reasonable and polite middle-aged man [EDIT: I never watched his videos, and do not intend to, so it is probably something to do if one is curious as to whether they should be speaking to someone or not. I will be doing this in the future with other people. One's writing voice and actual voice are often quite, and sometimes dramatically, different]
Recently he messaged me to ask if I was in Gambia; my YouTube channel somehow changed my location (probably during my frequent edits of my Movies list). After a moment of confusion, I messaged him back saying I had changed it and thanked him for letting me know about it.
So, you can imagine my surprise when I received a message from him, sent over the weekend, that asked me to make a video wearing something tight, and if in the video I would bend over, showing cleavage because "my subscribers would appreciate" that action.
It's strange. At first, I actually felt hurt, and also embarrassed. I also felt nervous. My immediate thought was to write about this, but would writing about this be over-dramatic? Would I look like I was whining or simply getting worked-up about something considered petty? I thought about not doing anything at all, but it isn't like I'm complaining about increasing violence in video games. This is about human-to-human behaviour and entirely more intimate.
I've been trying to be polite to all the people who took their time to write to me. Either by replying back (with sometimes more to say than they did) or saving their messages for future contact, and here was someone, whom I had already had several quick discussions with, now asking me, probably drunkenly, for a "favour."
I felt dirty. I felt embarrassed because I couldn't believe I had let myself talk to someone who would feel confident or deluded enough to ask this. Perhaps if it was a young teenager I could have ignored and deleted it, feeling pity for them that they were an asshole or going through their crass stages [still not right, but hopefully something they grow out of as I've seen my male friends grow out of], but from an older man, it is completely unacceptable.
I want it to be understood that I know much crueler and more disgusting actions have been suggested and are being suggested right now to many other men and women alike. I have experienced this, as have many of the people in my life, and understand this. What disturbed and embarrassed me was his calm tone in his message, like he was merely asking me to pass him the salt at the dinner table. Like he thought that I was quite capable and ready for this action, which is completely insulting. His message was not crass, it was well-written and coherent. He also publicly posts videos of himself, so is not hidden behind a wacky username and a blank channel. The fact that his mind, whether intoxicated or not, let him send this as if it was a normal request is the most disturbing of all.
Reflecting on this personally...
I suppose it makes me mad, because I can not be considered a young, naive girl anymore, and I feel stupid for continually letting assholes, perverts, stalkers, blackmailers and abusive men into my life. Sure, masks can be easily worn on the Internet, but after nearly four years of this crap, I would have assumed that my radar would be blinking a little brighter. I am definitely not as nice as I once was and I am less patient, and more bold, but obviously not bold enough and not shrewd enough to deflect these people immediately.
I wouldn't mind if it was a complete stranger, messaging me out-of-the-blue with a sexist comment like this. I know these assholes are out there, crowned in their anonymity, and they don't hurt me. I wish they weren't there, but I just delete. I mind this occasion however, because I have thanked this asshole. He has helped me and yet, he was possibly thinking those thoughts the whole time.
I don't want my faulty radar and my history of mentally abusive, sexist, and cruel men, both offline and on, to stop be from letting in good people into my life, but when it so easy for people to switch gears and reveal these dark, decrepit sides of themselves, how can anyone possibly feel safe or open to others? It also makes it harder every day to not let the defensive shell of over-analyzing and misreading, and self-loathing to build up and spread the hate that I am trying to avoid.
I wish people did not use the Internet as a cloak for hurting others or for the expression of their every little dark thought, simply because they are not brave enough or stable enough to seek out help for their feelings and thoughts (it takes courage to seek help and all who do should have our thanks), or since the world isn't divided into nice people and mentally unstable people, they are ignorant enough to think that this almost-anonymous behaviour is somehow acceptable. Instead they indulge on the instant-satisfaction that the Internet brings them. Their cruel interactions with strangers have become the way they feel better about themselves. Every little scratch they make, which if not dealt with can become a scar on the victim, only relieves them temporarily until they find the next person to sink their fangs into.
The world is ugly and scary enough without having to deal with these people in such an intimate yet completely inhumane and sterile way.
I hope that I have the courage to be reasonable with myself and forgive myself for letting these people into my life again and again. I hope I do not continue to take it personally, and I hope, if you have experienced a similar situation, you can find it within yourself to forgive and let go, and realize that it is truly never your fault for these peoples actions.
I believe that hoping for these men and women to collectively change their hurtful actions online is pointless. I don't believe it will ever happen because it is such a private and personal journey. I would like to, but I sadly do not and I admit that this lack of confidence in my fellow man and woman may be just as damaging as those biting comments they leave behind.
The quest to rise above it...
Humans have and probably always will hurt each other and we can only hope that we personally find the strength to not harm ourselves during our time here. Not just physically but mentally. It is so easy to think mean, terrible, sexist, racist, and dark thoughts. Thinking kind, terrific, good thoughts and always trying to consider the options and others opinions, and to always seek out new thoughts (or help) and information in the fight against ignorance is so much more difficult.
However, I hope it is your constant quest, as it is mine*
How I try to remove these people from my Internet life...
So, to get back to the Dos and Don'ts, if you have received a message similar to the one I did, I do suggest immediately removing this person from your "friends", immediately blocking and not taking any excuses for their behaviour, like, "someone hacked my channel" or "I don't even remember" or "I was just joking" into account.
The only time I would consider such excuses is if the person is around your age and posts videos, photos, tweets, etc. of themselves online. It does not mean that they are telling the truth, but you have more evidence of this person's behaviour for possible legal action, which is always an option even if they seem "anonymous" but I don't want to discuss that here. If it seems completely out of character, you then have previous writings, videos, etc., to help you decide whether they are telling the truth or not.
In my case, I have now have a basic understanding of the circle that the person I've talked about in this blog is in, and though a member of that circle could easily have hacked in and written this, I do not want to be associated, in any way, with "friends" who would do this to someone they don't know.
If they are simply a username with no public posts, do not even begin to question their intentions. If they are not communicating to you as one would in a public setting and if they are not putting themselves out there as publicly as you are (even in the tiniest way, like you have a profile picture and they don't), they do not deserve your time.
However, if you under the age of 21, I do advise talking to your parents, guardians, trusted friends before considering any of the above suggestions, and getting their opinions and advice, too.
If you recognize yourself as the "Don't" in this post...
It is not my intention to fill the people who behave this way with guilt or anger. I understand that there are many factors that can lead one to behave a certain way. I have often in the past made a hurtful comment online and may stumble in the future. Sometimes it is so hard to resist pushing out our strong opinions or feelings, and the idea of keeping thoughts like these to ourselves, seems so difficult when the Internet is so full of similar thoughts already. Why should we behave any different, right?
I can't begin to advise on how to change hateful or sexist thinking. I'm not qualified too, I don't understand it all, and it's quite a personal journey, but I do advise, that if you thought what you said was funny or you believe they mis-read you or if you didn't make the comment, that you try to understand why that person blocked you from their Internet life. Consider their hurt, anger, fear for their safety.
People have different levels of Online Safety, and the best thing you can do is try to apologize in some way and then move on with your life. We all make mistakes, but one of the many good things about the Internet is we have the chance to delete these "internet lives", though these painful memories may last for as long as you and your victims live, but you can learn from them.
Then again, you must never forget that though I have used the term Internet Life or Real Life every now and then, it is still Life, your life, whole and not without consequences. The Internet is not the film, Tron. You can't pass it off as if you're playing a character in a game. You should consider that the mean things you do or say in this life cannot easily be deleted, not even online, and they never will be**
*I hope in stating this "quest against ignorance" that I have not been too ignorant with my thoughts in this post, and will happily and gratefully take your criticism and opinions and try to broaden my own. However, it will help if these opinions are posted with as much patience as you can muster and with kindness.
**dun dun dunnn, but seriously, never.